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Nepo Baby Alert! Student Matilda Hall ‘25 Suspiciously Shares Surname With Every Building On Campus!
Disgraceful. Shameful. Injustice. These are but a few of the words that come to this reporter’s mind in response to the reckoning that,...
Rebecca Call
Oct 11, 2023


Return Of Pub Night Forces Joe-Cool Types To Reckon With The Power Of Three Beers
It was a damp, fall evening when Ethan Wicks and Eva Jaimeson ’25 meandered off the Zilkha Center porch, backpacks slung casually over...
Hilary Malamud and Lizzie High
Oct 5, 2023


Burnt Sugar, Butter, Dijon Mustard, Pipe Cleaners, Asian Style Sesame Wings In A Chicken Snack Grab,
’82 Grill announced their new special this week, a gluten free pizza crust robust inspired creamy red sauce with garlic steak sammy...
Matt Shareshian and Zoe Kerns
Oct 4, 2023


Professor Questioning the Core Concepts In Course Title Not Being Provocative, Genuinely Confused
On the first day of ARTH 289: The Dichotomy of Juxtaposition in Decorative Arts, Professor Louise Linda raised several questions to the...
Shayna Podhoretz
Oct 2, 2023


Uh Oh: My Friends And I Have The Same IWS Therapist And She’s Starting To Pick Sides
Benjamin Collins ’26 walked back disgruntled, disheartened, disemboweled (metaphorically). “Can’t believe she would say that,” Collins...
Shenba Vairavan
Sep 30, 2023


Student Chewing On End Of Pencil Not Actually Deep In Thought, Just Enjoys Eating Erasers
As the final minutes of ARTH 109: The Art of Spring Street Market ticked down, most students were visibly disinterested. Some etched...
Divij Jain
Sep 28, 2023


Game Over: Course Packet Already Has Crunchy, Wavy Pages From Getting Wet Then Drying
Oh my god, are you serious? Monday morning, 10:07 am, Griffin 1 of all places, the semester truly begins. Upon retrieving your PSYC 277:...
Lizzie High
Sep 13, 2023


Report: The Williams Record Stole Our Lunch Money, Again!
“You’ve got a little something on your shirt,” they said, smiling coyly. How did we fall for it? The oldest trick in the book. We were...
Shayna Podhoretz
Sep 11, 2023


Students Happy, Never Sad, Reports Williams Instagram
Last Thursday, Haybale reporters conducted an interview with Polly Polk ‘26, after hearing several accounts of her raving in delirium on...
Sonia Dhingra
May 2, 2023


Friend’s Metrosexual New Yorker Dad Defies Norms, Encourages Your Art History Degree
Clad in raw denim and very thick square glasses, a man driving a vintage Porsche pulls up outside the WCMA balls. No, certainly that’s...
Lizzie High
Apr 27, 2023


Ask Haybale: What If Instead Of Frosh Quad It Was Frog Quad And Instead Of Freshmen There Were Frogs
“Yeah, the idea just came to me,” said Polliwog Boglover ‘26, who spoke to the Haybale about her idea for Frog Quad. “I was like, what if...
Juila Clark and Lane Sillin
Apr 25, 2023


College Launches “Rejected Students’ Day” Program to Assure Rejected Applicants They Are Better Off
President Maud Mandel announced Tuesday that, after reviewing the budget, she had realized the college had like, way too much money....
Sophie Bellwoar
Apr 19, 2023


Breaking: First Year Radically Shift Paradigms, Announces Double Major
Departing from generations of dichotomous worldviews in learning, Glow Williams ‘26 has revealed that she is, in fact, a prospective...
Sonia Dhingra
Mar 15, 2023


Professor Wastes Sleep-Inducing Voice On A Lifetime Of Lectures Despite Potential For Lucrative ASMR
Investigative reporters for the Williams Haybale have been vigilantly walking around on campus. A few weeks ago, two of our best and...
Lizzie High
Mar 9, 2023


Ask The Haybale: All My Friends Happen To Be Going To Miami At The Same Time, Am I Missing Something
“I’m sure it’s just a coincidence,” said Crow Riley, ‘26. “I mean, Katie very specifically said there was no group chat.” Crow Riley...
Sophie Bellwoar
Mar 8, 2023


Report: Fresh n Go Wrap Tastes Like It Usually Does
Your Fresh n Go wrap tastes as it usually does, according to Haybale sources. All the ingredients ordered by you taste pretty normal. The...
The Williams Haybale
Mar 2, 2023


Campus Poker Mogul Taken Down By Well-Meaning First-Year
While covering the college’s annual casino night, Haybale reporters noticed Charlie Clubs ’24 leaving the poker room in a rage, slamming...
Divij Jain
Feb 27, 2023


Report: This JA’s Frosh Actually A Dean On “Undercover Boss”
This past week JA Buck Jarlsberg ‘24 came to believe over the past two months that a frosh in his entry, Brie Vorst ’26, was secretly a...
The Haybale
Nov 14, 2022


Friend Who Loves You Dearly Reschedules Meal For A Fourth Time
On Wednesday, October 26, your friend, Amelia Pen ‘24, canceled your meal plans for the fourth time in three days. Pen, citing a “last...
The Haybale
Nov 3, 2022


Fall From Grace: Once Respected Professor Fails To Receive Clean Plate Award At Lyceum Dinner
A spoonful of mashed potatoes. Six stalks of asparagus. A nub of steak. That’s all it took for Professor Jarvis to lose the respect of...
Sophie Bellwoar
Oct 26, 2022
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