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Ask Haybale: What If Instead Of Frosh Quad It Was Frog Quad And Instead Of Freshmen There Were Frogs

“Yeah, the idea just came to me,” said Polliwog Boglover ‘26, who spoke to the Haybale about her idea for Frog Quad. “I was like, what if we were all frogs? And I kind of just ran with it.” In Boglover’s vision, the frogs arrive on campus in August, when freshmen normally would, and participate in Frog Days, an amphibian spin on First Days. Frogs get wonderful orientation opportunities to fit their sticky green personalities: Exploring the Bog, Bogging Minds, Where Am Bog?, Bog, WOOLF. The frogs take field trips to nearby swamps and ponds. The dining hall serves cricket pilaf and cheeseBUGer cricket soup and shoestring potato flies. At night they have all-campus Ribbit Hours which often last until the morning.

In Boglover’s view, for one glorious week, the dorms of Frosh Quad could become a state-of-the-art ecosystem that feeds and nourishes the lives of toads, bullfrogs, and croakers. “Can’t you just picture it?” asks Polliwog. “The moss, the stagnant water, the cattails. Why should this paradise only last a week? Why should we get the state-of-the-art education our parents want for us and not them?”

The College touts its inclusive nature and accommodation tactics, but there have yet to be any amphibians to receive a degree. We at the Haybale agree with Boglover—this needs to change. Another prospective frog student, Lily Pad, bathing in the mud with a shirt that said “Grenouilles Dehors,” also agrees. “It is really hard to be a French and Econ double major when they do not let frogs take classes in those departments or any departments. It is actually, one might say, impossible.” Frogs can’t learn French lest they study abroad and get eaten and the Econ department stays off-limits to all except the blue-blooded reptiles.

One could imagine the frogs would assimilate seamlessly to extracurricular life. Comedy, ultimate frogsbee, you name it. But frog-capella, especially. The bullfrogs could reach the lowest notes of any acapella composition. They might even form their own a capella group — the Bogtet, one of two Bullfrog only groups on campus, along with the Spring Leapers. Cap and Frogs would be very excited to put on their upcoming production, “And Then There Were Frogs.”

The basketfrog team (it is exactly like basketball, but the frogs play instead of human players, like Steph curry) would be very excited to compete against their arch rivals, Toadherst. Polliwog sighed dreamily. “That’s all I want,” she said. “Just frogs being frogs.”

We told her we didn’t know how to help her, but that we hope she gets what she wants, or whatever.


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