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Student in Paresky Slips on Banana Peel, Anvil Falls on Head

This morning, several Williams students sitting in Paresky witnessed a surprising sight. While walking back from the mailroom with a package, Peter Kaboom ‘24 slipped and fell. But that wasn’t the end of the story.

“So like, we were just chilling in Baxter,” explained Martha Scoot ‘25.5, “and Peter was running with his package. All of a sudden, he just slips on a banana peel. It didn’t even make sense. We was nowhere near Lee’s!”

“And when he slipped this big cloud of dust appeared below his feet,” added Shane Lozenge ‘25, “and he kept muttering to himself about a ‘nemesis.’ Then, next thing we know, an anvil falls from the top of Paresky onto his head!” When asked where the anvil came from, Scoot and Lozenge said they did not know. Lozenge, a Spanish major, noted that the anvil “didn’t seem to obey the laws of physics.” The two witnesses also informed us that the anvil was at least five feet cubed, if not bigger, and had the words “One Ton” engraved on it. When Haybale reporters came to examine the scene of the crime, there was no indication something as heavy as an anvil had fallen from the top of Paresky into Baxter, nor was there a banana peel.

Another witness, Norman Wellbutrin ‘26, had more to say about the incident. Wellbutrin claims that Kaboom’s package flew out of his hands when he slipped. Trying to help, the young Eph ran to pick up the package, and examined its contents. 

“The box had a label that said ‘TNT,’ and I didn’t see any other labels on it,” explained Wellbutrin. “The tape had ripped off a bit, so I figured I’d take a peek inside while returning it to Peter. Then I see all these red sticks with strings sticking outta them. I figure, it’s none of my business what other people do, so I go to bring his package back.” When Wellbutrin handed Kaboom the package, he was no longer stuck underneath the anvil. Instead, he seemed to be sitting up with a dazed face and there were three little birds flying around his head, according to the witnesses. We knew we had to sit down with Kaboom and get the facts straight.

“The bananer peel and anvil?” Kaboom asked us, in a weird high pitched southern-ish accent. “Yeah, those were all a part of Sam Squirrel’s schemin’ and downright trickery. He’s done worse over the years, that critter. One time he tied me to the Pittsfield train tracks and set my shoes on fire.”

When asked about his package, Kaboom explained, “lookee here, I had the perfect chance to finally catch Sam Squirrel once and fer all. That there dynamite order was gonna be the secret to my success. But Sammy’s always one step ahead of ol’ Peter Kaboom. Yes, sir. All I want is some darned squirrel meat, but I cain’t have that. The bananer peel-anvil combination is a Sam Squirrel classic, and he’ll never let me win.”

We searched for Sam Squirrel to ask for a comment, but didn’t find him, despite following Kaboom’s advice to “look over yonder.”


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