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Students Happy, Never Sad, Reports Williams Instagram

Last Thursday, Haybale reporters conducted an interview with Polly Polk ‘26, after hearing several accounts of her raving in delirium on the Paresky steps. Shuddering and wrapped in a shock blanket, she recounted her story:

“It all started when I walked out of econ class after having left half of my midterm blank. I was hungry, so I sought solace in my eighth serving of Resky BBQ tofu this week,” said Polk. “On my way out, in a cloud of misery, I made the grave mistake of making awkward eye contact with this guy from my econ class. We forced laughter to hide the fact that we were both in complete academic ruin. Instantaneously, a cameraman spawned directly in front of us and snapped a picture. Once he completed his mission, he dissipated within a millisecond, leaving us in a haze.”

At this point, Polk started tearing up, but we encouraged her to continue.

“Later that night, I found myself scrolling aimlessly through Instagram, trying to distract myself from the crushing weight of my academic responsibilities, eyes already glazed from hundreds of pages of reading,” said Polk. “That's when I stumbled upon a picture of some merry students with their heads thrown back, laughing in unison on the Paresky steps. Then I slowly realized, ‘Hey, that’s me!’”

Us reporters began to scroll through the Williams Instagram and were immediately transported to a parallel universe. Lads played spikeball on the quad, while ethnically diverse students cuddled up in their crooms, and whimsically mounted tricycles. Students built the Parthenon out of snow and happily marched to class in swarms with their little backpacks and their little puffer jackets and their little Nalgene water bottles. It was a veritable utopia! There was simply only one way to describe it: #beautEPHul.

“That’s not all!” exclaimed Polk.

Indeed, that was not all. Since its inception, that dastard image has also appeared in “Welcome to Williams” pamphlets, The ‘68 Center for Career Exploration newsletters, numerous alumni packets, and the homepage of the Williams website.

“Everywhere I look I see myself smiling back at me,” whispered Polk. “I don’t know if I exist anymore. I feel as if I am merely the figment of someone’s imagination.”


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