College Launches “Rejected Students’ Day” Program to Assure Rejected Applicants They Are Better Off
President Maud Mandel announced Tuesday that, after reviewing the budget, she had realized the college had like, way too much money....
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Sonia Dhingra
- Mar 15, 2023
Breaking: First Year Radically Shift Paradigms, Announces Double Major
Departing from generations of dichotomous worldviews in learning, Glow Williams ‘26 has revealed that she is, in fact, a prospective...
Lizzie High
- Mar 9, 2023
Professor Wastes Sleep-Inducing Voice On A Lifetime Of Lectures Despite Potential For Lucrative ASMR
Investigative reporters for the Williams Haybale have been vigilantly walking around on campus. A few weeks ago, two of our best and...
Sophie Bellwoar
- Mar 8, 2023
Ask The Haybale: All My Friends Happen To Be Going To Miami At The Same Time, Am I Missing Something
“I’m sure it’s just a coincidence,” said Crow Riley, ‘26. “I mean, Katie very specifically said there was no group chat.” Crow Riley...
The Williams Haybale
- Mar 2, 2023
Report: Fresh n Go Wrap Tastes Like It Usually Does
Your Fresh n Go wrap tastes as it usually does, according to Haybale sources. All the ingredients ordered by you taste pretty normal. The...
Divij Jain
- Feb 27, 2023
Campus Poker Mogul Taken Down By Well-Meaning First-Year
While covering the college’s annual casino night, Haybale reporters noticed Charlie Clubs ’24 leaving the poker room in a rage, slamming...
thewilliamshaystack
- Nov 14, 2022
Report: This JA’s Frosh Actually A Dean On “Undercover Boss”
This past week JA Buck Jarlsberg ‘24 came to believe over the past two months that a frosh in his entry, Brie Vorst ’26, was secretly a...
thewilliamshaystack
- Nov 3, 2022
Friend Who Loves You Dearly Reschedules Meal For A Fourth Time
On Wednesday, October 26, your friend, Amelia Pen ‘24, canceled your meal plans for the fourth time in three days. Pen, citing a “last...
Sophie Bellwoar
- Oct 26, 2022
Fall From Grace: Once Respected Professor Fails To Receive Clean Plate Award At Lyceum Dinner
A spoonful of mashed potatoes. Six stalks of asparagus. A nub of steak. That’s all it took for Professor Jarvis to lose the respect of...
Lizzie High
- Oct 25, 2022
Report: College Enacts New Policy Requesting Most Miserable Students To Hide During Campus Tours
On October 19th, at 8:00am, 500 students received an email from President Maud Mandel identifying them as in the top 25% of miserable...
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