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"It’s Lonely at the Top,” Says Econ Major With Job Lined up, Also Trapped in Thompson Tower
Jordan Bradley ‘21, the best econ major his parents ever seen besides his brother, has already secured a coveted position at Goldman...
Lucy Walker
Oct 12, 2020


St. Anthony Hall Investigation Points to Recent Existence of Super Wack Newspaper
The College’s rule on newspapers is clear: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. But it seems that rule has not stopped The Williams...
Kevin Ryan
Oct 11, 2020


Trombone Thursday Brings the Coolest Cats at Williams Out of the Bag
Recently, Williams students have had the smooth, sweet, buttery treat of listening to the coolest cats in town have their trombone...
Lizzie High
Oct 8, 2020


Students Start Following all the EPHin Rules After Marlene Implements New Signs
After noticing that college students couldn’t perfectly adhere to rules stricter than statewide guidelines on a Saturday evening,...
Shenba Vairavan
Oct 7, 2020


"Actually, They're Wasps," Reminds Smartest Student at Williams
Due to Covid restrictions forcing students to eat their meals outside, many have noted the prevalence of what many assumed to be bees....
Lucy Walker
Oct 4, 2020


Report: Sandstrom Paid Only $750 in Income Tax After Claiming 2,254 Dependents
A new report this weekend revealed that Marlene Sandstrom paid only 750 dollars in income tax in 2019, a sum that is shockingly low given...
Sam Mermin
Oct 2, 2020


Friends Stage Intervention After Mandel Forms Committee to Form Committee
After President Maud Mandel sent out her latest email announcing the formation of a committee dedicated to forming other, smaller...
Melia Hagino
Sep 30, 2020


Virus Politely Declines to Spread After Hearing Everyone in Group is Close Friends
“I’m not, like, an asshole.” said the Virus.
The Editorial Board
Sep 25, 2020


1 in 2000: The Professor Who Did Expect to Teach Under Circumstances Like These
“Hello everyone!” said Professor Borde, perfectly on-time to her flawlessly set-up Zoom class. “It’s so great to see you all today,...
The Editorial Board
Sep 17, 2020


College to Provide Special Masks for At-Risk Students Who Are Also Ugly
“Are these students ugly? Sure,” Sandstrom said, without being asked anything about the students’ appearances.
The Editorial Board
Sep 11, 2020


"Super Chill" JA Lets Frosh Speak to Each Other
While the unique circumstances of this semester have been stressful for many, one cool-as-fuck JA has been unfazed by the changes to campus.
The Editorial Board
Sep 10, 2020


Students Caught Skipping Second Test to Face Eviction by Cannon
In response to the recent rise in coronavirus cases around the country, the College has released new return-to-campus procedures and rule...
The Editorial Board
Aug 6, 2020


“Holy shit we didn’t think you guys would, like, actually do it” Says Admin on High Return Numbers
Over 1600 students plan to return to Williams in the fall, vastly outnumbering the prediction of 10-20 idiots, and leaving the...
The Editorial Board
Jul 15, 2020


The Editorial Board
Jul 12, 2020


College Frets Loss of Football Season Leaves too Much Extra Money For Academics, Financial Aid, IWS
After a long period of uncertainty and speculation, President Mandel finally wrote to the College community on Monday to share the...
The Editorial Board
Jul 5, 2020


The Editorial Board
Jul 4, 2020


Mandel Seemingly Unaware of Precedent of Cancelling Exams in Times of Danger
“It’s just common sense,” said first-year Cordelia Trickelbank.
The Editorial Board
May 20, 2020


The Editorial Board
May 19, 2020


“You Can Be Rough With Me,” Tenured Professor Says of Course Evaluations, Biting His Lip
Everyone knows there are risks involved when you fill out course evaluations. For some newer professors, these evaluations can be the...
The Editorial Board
May 17, 2020


The Haybale
May 10, 2020
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