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Breaking News: I Can't Fucking Do This Anymore
The investigation was first opened when it was discovered that I was just straight up leaving Zoom meetings in the middle because I didn’t w
Melia Hagino and Lucy Walker
Oct 26, 2020


Zig-Zagging Whitman’s Line Will Be Used for Sobriety Tests
Starting on Friday, October 23, CSS will begin conducting random sobriety tests on weekends to ensure student safety. With a large...
Asher Gladstone
Oct 24, 2020


College Supplies Each Individual Student with Alcohol to Ensure Social Distancing
Williams College, a school filled with students who actually believe money is real and decide to major in it, study exclusively on Sunday...
Shenba Vairavan
Oct 23, 2020


Prof. Really Believes Online Format is Only Reason Nobody Wants to Chat With Him at Start of Class
"You can unmute yourselves. Wow, it’s so hard doing this on Zoom. Please unmute yourselves"
Sam Mermin
Oct 21, 2020


Missed Connection: Girl Seeking White Guy, Brown Hair
You were standing 4 and a half feet in front of me in line for lunch at Driscoll. You were wearing dark wash jeans, dirty-ass sneakers, a...
The Haystack
Oct 20, 2020


Bikes are Stupid and You Look Stupid Riding Yours
Am I going to lose friends by writing this? Yes. Am I still going to say it with my whole chest? Absolutely. It needs to be said. Unless...
Mati Rogers
Oct 19, 2020


Sandstrom Urges Students Deciding About Spring Sem. to Remember the White Walkers are Marching South
Yesterday’s fun, silly, non-stern email from Marlene Sandstrom to the student body included a helpful list of factors students might want...
Sam Mermin
Oct 17, 2020


How Can the College Continue to Justify Funding an Equestrian Team That Doesn’t Share Their Ketamine
In the latest of a series of puzzling and, frankly, outrageous moves, Williams College will continue to fund the equestrian team even in...
Kevin Ryan
Oct 16, 2020


Geos Department Uncovers Gay Fossils
A team from the Williams College Geoscience Department made history this week by unearthing the first gay fossils to ever be found in...
Melia Hagino
Oct 13, 2020


"It’s Lonely at the Top,” Says Econ Major With Job Lined up, Also Trapped in Thompson Tower
Jordan Bradley ‘21, the best econ major his parents ever seen besides his brother, has already secured a coveted position at Goldman...
Lucy Walker
Oct 12, 2020
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