With job hunt season in full swing on campus, a number of firms from around the country are headed to Williamstown in search of the top talent the College has to offer. The usual firms like JP Morgan Chase, Bain & Company, and McKinsey have made their annual visits, but this year they’ve been joined by an exciting, prestigious newcomer: the Mafia.
Asked to comment on their decision to begin hiring Williams students, Mafia recruitment coordinator Vinny Buonaspina explained,“You can never underestimate the value of a liberal arts education. Whether it’s shooting a rat in a motel room, leaving briefcases of cash in public spaces, or burning the fingerprints off of dead bodies, liberal arts students have the critical thinking skills that encompass all areas of mobster activity.”
Statistics from Handshake, the Williams recruitment platform, indicate that the Mafia has topped nearly all other firms in applications. Joe Brush, a junior economics and mathematics major, explains why he chose to apply for The Mafia. “I learned about The Mafia through Handshake, and after completing my initial assignment of killing Tony Bandos in a drive-by shooting they said they wanted to meet with me in person. I think the liberal arts education really has helped me in this whole process. Other schools like Wharton might learn more vocational, technical skills on how to distribute cocaine or kill prostitutes, but at Williams I’ve learned to deconstruct the very idea of what cocaine is, and provide holistic solutions to the problems I’m given.”
Another junior, Mike Ricci, received offers from Bank of America, Merrill Lynch, and Guggenheim Securities, but decided to intern for the Mafia instead. “It was a tough decision,” Ricci admitted. “On the one hand, if I was working at a bank I could live in Manhattan rather than Staten Island.” After some soul searching, however, the choice was clear. “I want to pursue an ethical career path after I graduate, not just end up as one of those banker bros.” Plus, Ricci added, the job is plenty lucrative. “They gave me an offer I couldn’t refuse.”