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"Wouldn't it be funny if we played 'Spin the Bottle?'" Jokes Podmate Who Isn't Joking

Last night, the pod occupying the fourth floor of Mark-Hopkins partook in the classic not-drinking-but-drinking-must-happen-before-you-play game “spin the bottle.”

Everyone in the pod agreed they were bored with the standard games they had been playing all semester. Pong, Cards Against Humanity (So funny), and King’s Cup all seemed boring and overdone. Early in the night, Keith Jeep ‘22 suggested, super casually, that their 6-person pod play spin-the-bottle. Everyone laughed a little before brainstorming some movies.“No like we totally don’t have to,” added Jeep. “Just like, wouldn’t that be funny, cause like we’re way older than the appropriate age for this. It doesn’t matter because we’ve all kissed people ya know, like I have, I’m sure you guys have too. Kissed, I mean. Like it’s totally ironic.”

The pod agreed that that would be pretty funny. Us Haystack reporters also thought it would be super funny, and kept whispering to Jeep that he should definitely keep asking his pod, like 6 or 7 times throughout the night, because we were hoping to see how mad they got. Not because we wanted to play, but because our only purpose on this campus is to ensure other people do stupid things so we can write about it and laugh at them with you, our dedicated readers. It’s our civic duty. God bless. Also we’ve definitely kissed people.

“Like in a middle school joking way, except we would, like, make it more fun” interjected Jeep, again, loudly, over one of his podmates who was trying to start a game of Catan. “Like maybe if the bottle lands one like one special person, like we can decide that later, like that person gets extra kisses?” Nobody really said anything, so he proceeded to add, “Okay so maybe we arm wrestle for who the special person is? Or, or I can just be the special person, since you guys don’t know how to do it yet.”

45 minutes into the night, the group finally decided to sit down and play for a few minutes. “We didn’t think it would actually last,” said his podmate Jimmy Toyota ‘22. “We figured we’d all get bored and move on to something else. But even when people said they didn’t want to spin anymore, he just kept offering to go for them so we didn’t ‘mess up the flow of the game.’ We played for like six hours.”

“This game absolutely rocked when I played it in high school,” Jeep told our reporters.

We reached out to Jeep’s closest friend from High School, who told us that it definitely didn’t rock, and also that Jeep really was quite passionate about the game. “He always would make these rules, ironically of course, about like some sort of, ironic, bit that he wanted carried out. Like this one time, right before it was his turn, he declared that the last person to go would have to ironically date, hold their hand in public places, like maybe ask them to prom, be romantic and flirty in the lunch room with whoever it lands on for the next week. The tough thing is like, the bottle never landed on him, like ever. Like not even once.”

“Yeah, I love kissin’,” said Jeep. “ I love everything about it. I love when they put their teeth next to your teeth, and then they lean in from above and you put both their lips entirely in your mouth, like completely in there, and then you just stick your tongue on top of their tongue, real fast, in out in out in out, like a snake. You know, kissing,” The Haystack could not verify whether his description was accurate or not.

Reporters noted that Jeep was completely barefoot throughout the entire night.


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