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Inspiring! This Woman Only Stared at the Wall for 23 Minutes Instead of Usual 45

If you’re in need of some inspiration today, look no further. Two days ago, Sally Waterson ‘22 broke a personal record. Instead of looking blankly at the wall for her usual daily 45 minutes, Waterson opted for a speedy 23, cutting her usual time by almost in half.

“It was a bit of a shock to my daily routine,” said Waterson. “I didn’t even know what to do with all my extra minutes.” Waterson, who usually spends those extra 22 minutes planning a craft project she won’t do, and imagining what the inside of Maud’s house looks like, instead used the extra time to take a shower, putting us all to shame. During her 23 “zone out” minutes, she considered redoing her entire room, fabricated an imaginary argument with her mom, and, for 6 minutes, thought about absolutely nothing at all.

She also changed the location of her “zone-out time.” Instead of lying in bed and watching her ceiling fan spin, Waterson opened a book and looked at the words, processing zero information while still maintaining an outward facade of being really, really smart.

“It felt good to be truly productive,” said Waterson. “I can’t wait to see what I can do with all this extra time. If I keep this up, maybe I’ll finally write my novel.” Waterson spent the rest of the day keeping up her productive momentum. She started by stalking her own Instagram account to try to “figure out what the vibes were.” Then, she painted one nail before giving up. To put the rest of us slobs to shame, Waterson even made a google doc for an essay ambiguously due “ideally by the end of next week, if you feel like it,” according to her professor. Although she didn’t write any of it, she did put her name, date, and professors name at the top, and even wrote in “Title” as a placeholder.

All of us could meet our daily goals if we strove to be as productive as Waterson. But, to keep ourselves balanced, we all should allow ourselves a little existential dread daily, as a treat.


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