First Time? Local Buffoon Not Sure Where To Pay In New Eco Cafe Setup

It used to be only Div I and Div II majors that didn’t understand Eco. But now it’s affecting us all.

As we know, Div III majors are plagued with “my major is hard, so I am an asshole” syndrome. One of the symptoms used to be looking down on frosh and other idiots who took too long to grab their sandwich of choice. Or quietly snickering at the ignorant fools who stared at the guide for way too long. “Which building is TPL?” Oh, you simpleton. Now, they too struggle with the updates. And without their French Vanilla coffee? Prepare for “my major is hard, my coffee sucked, so I am an Asshole” syndrome. And, yes. It’s terminal.

We at the Haybale will admit that, at first, we were excited about the updates. None of us humanities majors would be caught dead in science quad, of course. But a little change can be nice sometimes. Unfortunately, this… this is too far.

Everything self-serve? Am I an animal? Self-stirring green tea dispenser? What is this, feudal China? In a world where our lives are being constantly entrenched upon by the likes of Artificial Intelligence, is it so horrible to want to maintain a sliver of connection with the Eco Cafe employees, who bring kindness and joy to students despite long rush hour lines at 12:35 pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Even the self-serve apple juice cannot patch the hole in my heart.

The Haybale reached out to fellow students for their perspective, but they were all in and out with their tofu cucumber breakfast wraps too fast to comment. Our reporter on the scene watched one student walk in, take one look at the strange, curvy trash counter, and walk back out. Wrong building, we guess.

Eco used to be special. Eco used to be that girl. Now, Eco is generic. Confusing. Scary. The only thing that separates Eco from Whitman’s now is a faster-moving lunch line. And a weird wall that is not quite a wall, but what makes a wall a wall anyway? WALLS is on Sunday, FYI.

I don’t need more Dean’s Beans. The only beans I want don’t love me any more. 

Signed in tears,

The Haybale.