RLT Gives Free HGTV Makeover To Worst Room Of The Year

Michael Drubs, ’26, woke up to quite the surprise on Saturday morning: 12 construction men in uniform tearing down his north wall, spewing saw dust all over his bed and in his hair. Behind them stood a woman in a kind of fashionable suit, holding a clipboard and shaking her head.

“Yeah, we’re gonna need to blow out that wall a couple inches, really open up the space.” She stepped in and introduced herself to Drubs. “Hi Michael, I’m Allison Pickle, assistant head of residential life at Williams. Your room SUCKS. But we’re here to make your dreams … come true. You’re getting a makeover!”

Despite no cameras being present, Pickle started a talking head interview on the other side of the room, expressing her excitement and plans for the remodel.

“With only 500 EphPoints and a requirement to stay in the same room in Currier basement, we were initially worried about the vision for the project. But after some conversations with Michael to discover his interests and passions, we thought we knew exactly what to do.”

Pickle asked Drubs a series of personal questions: whether he would rather have 6 horses in a barn or be a duck on a lake, if he thought he had a solution to the Trolley Problem, and whether he would try lab-grown meat—just once to see what it would taste like.

“It was hard to get a read on him,” Pickle explained, “but once he told us he was into lab grown meat, and that he was an economics major, we knew how we were going to make the room of his dreams.”

Drubs was allowed to reenter his dorm at 3:00PM that day, and what he found was altogether … puzzling. Pickle had really made the room of his dreams, that is, of nightmares. There were two large beams intersecting his room, evoking a supply and demand graph. On the X-axis was quantity of lab grown meat, on the y-axis was price of lab grown meat. There were also six horse figurines taking up all of the space on his desk. There was also a cradle.

“Why the cradle,” Drubs asked Pickle, “it’s kind of taking up a lot of valuable space.” Pickle turned towards the imagined camera.

“Well, when asked if he ever planned to have kids, Michael said he wasn’t sure, maybe. So we wanted to give him the space to grow his family.” Word on the street is that Pickle also stole all of Drubs’ condoms.

The Haybale also interviewed Meredith ‘The Rock’ Sedgwick ’27, who was alleged to have won the Best Room of the Year contest.

“Yeah, I didn’t get anything,” Sedgwick said. “Not even housing points.”

“Look,” Pickle explained to the Haybale, “I have a certificate in interior design and I’m gonna use it. If you have a problem with me abusing my power, that’s on you. I’m going to be the first ever Property Sister.”

Pickle received a Cease and Desist from the Property Brothers later that day.