College Announces Creation Of New Wasian Studies Department

President Maud Mandel, joined by a fully Asian person so it averaged out, announced at a press conference on Tuesday that the college would have a new department starting in the 2027-28 school year: Wasian Studies.

“Our curriculum has long been lacking in such a vital field, one that comprises an unexpectedly large, crucial, and oft-overlooked proportion of the Williams population," said Mandel. The Asian person agreed, nodding approvingly. Recent studies corroborate their point, showing that 114% of the incoming Class of 2030 is Wasian.

Students will be able to concentrate in Wasian Studies but not major in it as only one of their parents (their white dad who’s really trying) would be okay with them majoring in ethnic studies anyway.

Courses offered in the upcoming school year will include:

• WASIA 101: Alysa Liu and I Guess Other Contemporary Wasian Figures Maybe

• WASIA 201: Did You Know Olivia Rodrigo Is Wasian? Separate Question. Did You Know Ariana Grande Is Not Wasian? Girl’s Just White. Well I Guess Italian So Interesting White. Not Boring White Like My Dad

• WASIA 301: Are People with Two Wasian Parents Still Regular Wasian or Should We Make Up a New Word?

• WASIA 401: Wait We Just Realized Half White and Half Indian Is Also Technically Wasian

• WASIA 501: Implications Of WASIA 401: Charli XCX Is Wasian

• WASIA 0.333 / STAT 305: The Precise Lineage Required to be ⅓ Asian

• PHYS 475 / WASIA 1000: Applications of the Uncertainty Principle in Figuring Out Whether Someone is White or Asian on a Given Day

• WASIA i / MATH 432: White Mom and Asian Dad (Imaginary)

The Wasian Studies preregistration party will happen in Schapiro on Thursday. Catered items will include dumplings with ketchup, California rolls, and matcha.

The department will run on the funding previously allocated to the Italian Department. Take that, Ariana.