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I Don’t Care That Athletes Aren’t Smart Enough to be Here Because I Want to Have Sex With Them

The topic of athletic recruitment has inspired heated debates among Williams students that center the question “What are the priorities of Williams College as an institution?” Well, I certainly can’t answer that question, but I can answer the question of what my own priority is as a student at Williams: my priority is to fuck. A lot.

Many athletic recruits at Williams are very qualified students who are able to balance a Williams workload along with athletics. That being said, other athletes at Williams are dumb — but also hot.

All possible pros and cons of athletic recruitment aside, the truth is, I would like to have sex with every member of the crew team on this campus. The boats go so fast, and that’s sexy as hell.

Some might say that there are hot people to be found in many different extracurricular pursuits, and someone who can run fast isn’t necessarily hotter than someone who does a cappella. However, whoever says that is a huge nerd who probably does a cappella. Not only are athletes tall and strong, everyone knows that if you can throw a ball good you can fuck good.

At the end of the day, we are all here for the same reason: sex, and it doesn’t matter if you are actually smart, good at some game, or if your parents donated a shit ton of money and have a building named after them. My name is Sarah Frosh Quad (yes, THAT Frosh Quad) and if you are an athlete or know any athletes who might want to do the sex with me, my unix is sfq5.


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