In a surprising turn of events, the Williams College ski patrollers will earn commission for each on-mountain injury they respond to.
Historically, the Williams Ski Patrol has used over 72% of FAST’s yearly RSO budget for buying very cool jackets and band-aids all the time. With this new addition of $30-$75 paid to the club for each rescue a Williams Patroller assists with, FAST is planning to dissolve some of the least popular RSOs such as [ITAL] The Williams Record to keep up with the ski patrol’s financial demands.
“It’s about damn time!” exclaimed Charles McKinsey ‘25. McKinsey, a Williams Ski Patroller, grew up in New York’s Upper East Side, but considers Vail, CO to be his “home mountain”. McKinsey was one of three patrollers whom this system was tested out on last season, and believes it is a great idea, “Before commission, after each rescue I made, I’d often ask myself, what’s in it for me? But now I know why I want to help people — I get money!”
The Haybale spoke to Berkshire Medical Center ER technician David Feltman to better understand how the test run went last year. He spoke somewhat hesitantly, “Well, it’s certainly strange that we started seeing a massive uptick in EMS transports from Jiminy Peak after this was implemented. Some injuries seemed normal, but we had a lot of patients coming in with black eyes and broken noses, which is a very uncommon ski injury. Others were brought in seeming completely uninjured after a minor fall, but Williams ski patrollers reported a suspected stroke.”
McKinsey also reported an increase in injury responses during the commission trial phase, “People want to argue with me all the time. Goes the same every time, they’re skiing recklessly, I tell them to slow the fuck down, they get annoyed, the commission incentivizes me to exercise my authority, and sometimes — if things keep escalating — they end up injured, so I help them out. It’s just my duty!”
We asked if McKinsey had been beating people up, and he cut us off, “Commissions are also great because I’m way more alert on the mountain. If I see someone fall down, I used to assume they’re fine because people fall down all the time, but now I just assume the worst possible thing is happening, so I go up, tell them to stay calm but they’re probably having a fatal stroke, then I call EMS just in case.”
McKinsey is using his commission money to save up for future ski trips, “skiing is so expensive, that’s why I want to be an investment banker, because I’d be able to afford ski trips. I wish there was some job I already had the proper certifications for that would let me get paid to ski every day! Oh well.”