Boys are silly and fun
and they love to play frisbee in the sun.
-Dr. Suess (yes, the racist one)
Sometimes boys don’t understand things. Especially when they only know one thing: economics. Sometimes cool girls like me make too many digs at these silly little consulting boys and they get so sad and mad and not that glad. They need their own little house. Of course, they get the best house in the entire campus, and it takes away from the seriousness of TAPSI. Anyway, why should these sweet rich boys be ostracized for not knowing what the book grant is or having a lake house to go during reading period or having a YETI water bottle with an Alhambra consulting sticker?
On his way to visit a friend at Goff’s, Mark Bark, a political science, economics, and political economy triple major noticed a big big building like “size matters” big building under construction.
“At first, I was like woah, they’re making another athletic complex. Let’s fucking goooooo. These gains never stop. But when I looked inside there were a lot of posters about Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Which I thought you just needed to graduate. Like a QFR. But it has its own building. Bro, like what?” says Bark.
Ernst Young VIII laments “I can’t keep meeting with Bain, BCG, my dad’s company, McKinsey, Deloitte, PwC, KPMG, and all these possible job opportunities at the fucking basketball court or at the 68 Center. We should have our own little safe space where people don’t laugh at the fact we’re going to make 90 thousand dollars with a dinner stipend in a few months. We worked so hard, we had the right dad.”
Bark and Young are a few of the many students (athletes) on this campus who don’t understand why the money they pay for this school is going towards something that doesn't directly help them.
“In a way, we’re a marginalized community too-'' We at the Haybale stopped this schmuck from talking because we respect ourselves too much.
Fin Hollander explained “Representation matters. During the first day's race workshop, they never told my story. You never see me on Instagram, they don’t sell Vineyard Vines at ABC. We are alone. The other day I literally got hate crimed. This bitch with red hair, a septum piercing, a weed problem, and Mary Janes literally scuffed my Sperry’s. But we don’t talk about that. Instead, there’s a whole building for God knows what.”
A petition has been circulated on change.org for a safe space where boys can be boys unapologetically. No girls allowed unless they have a nice rack. QR codes can be found in Perry, Spencer, Driscoll, and the gym. Silly little boys.