$5/lb: Apothecary To Offer Goodie Bags of Mixed Pills They Found in the Back

Hoxsey Halloween isn’t the only talk of the town this week. The Haybale can now exclusively report an upcoming closing sale at the Williamstown Apothecary: Blind Date with a Bag. Each bag contains a special surprise: a random assortment of leftover pills the Apothecary must clear stock of before closing. Sold by the pound, the best deal on this offer is the 5 pound bulk bag. 

“Basically, we thought it would be better for someone to get use out of this stuff than to let it go to waste,” said Perry Potion, chief operating manager and chemist. “These Williams kids are on a lot of meds, so there’s plenty to go around. We dumped all the unclaimed prescriptions into a kiddie pool in the back of the store, and the staff take turns diving to fill the bags. No two bags are the same, just like snowflakes or blood type.”

Beginning this Monday, customers will have the chance to purchase as many mystery bags as they believe their personal health conditions can handle. “That’s kind of a guessing game,” notes Potion. “We don’t have the budget to screen any old sod.”

Spring Street is in for even more excitement once Halloween hits on Thursday. Freed from their communal rope, the town toddlers won’t have to settle for Reese’s and Kit-Kats this year. Instead, their trick-or-treating will be rewarded with a free mixed-pill bag. Potion declined to comment on the Apothecary’s extensive promotional campaign for the Halloween event, which includes flyers available at WES and the Children’s Center. Instead of rip-off phone numbers, interested parents and students can each take one sample gel capsule.

The apothecary is also very excited to announce an upcoming collaboration with neighboring business Spoon. “We’ve only incorporated prescription drugs into our flavors a few times before, so it will be great to gain some extra experience before our next business endeavor,” said Amanda Forks, the CEO of Spoon. Forks declined to tell the Haybale what this future business endeavor would be. Keep an eye out for next week's exciting fro-yo flavors: Pepto-Bismol, Children's Liquid Ibuprofen, and Amoxicillin.